This Man Was Put on The Earth to Destroy Your Football Team
This shit. It's not funny anymore. The Chicago Bears are being run into the ground like the meteor that destroyed the dinosaurs, and the man holding the wheel is an entitled, incompetent fuckstick who thinks he knows what he's doing. This isn't just bad—absurd, insulting, and embarrassing. The league isn't just watching—they're laughing. At us. At you. At this team.
49ers 38, Bears 13
This wasn't just another loss. It was a public execution.
The Bears Bar Experience
I dragged my girlfriend—and my executive editor to this blog—to this shitshow at the best Bears bar (outside Chicago) in NYC. By halftime, she was ready to call the NYPD and report me for spousal abuse.
"Did these guys get off the wrong plane?" she asked. Honestly, I wish they had. Watching this team is emotional abuse. Plain and simple.
If you think watching this team from a bar is bad, let me break down the stats for you. What happened on the field wasn't just bad—it was criminal.
A First Half That Should Be Banned
Let me paint the picture: four offensive yards at halftime.
That's not a stat—it's not a blip—it's a fucking obituary for the 2024 Chicago Bears.
And yet, for an entire week leading up to this embarrassment, we were fed reheated bullshit from this team and its "interim" coach and staff:
"Great week of practice." Eat shit.
"We're making progress." Shut up.
"Football is a violent game, and it rewards those who play the game violently."
Four yards. That's all they could muster in 30 minutes. Let that sink in. Four fucking yards. You could roll out of bed and fall forward for more than that.
Great? PROGRESS? Are you fucking kidding me? That's your great? Save it. What we got was a slap in the face to the word effort. You should've stayed on the damn plane.
The 49ers, missing starters and fielding backups, showed more fight than this entire roster. Those players had grit, bite, and pride. Meanwhile, the Bears trotted out a team that danced down three scores like they were auditioning for Dancing with the Stars. Picking fights with players who just spent 60 minutes handing them their asses? Embarrassing.
A Masterpiece of Suck
This roster isn't just bad—it's an art installation of incompetence. Every week is another showcase of "We are not good at football."
Remember last week's Bills game? The 49ers looked like the cast at the end of Platoon—players dropping left and right—yet they showed more heart than this entire Bears roster.
Instead, what do we get?
Dumbass dancing while down three scores.
Fights they should've started in the first quarter, not the fourth.
A team on a 30-degree decline to absolute pain.
The offensive line? Pushed back so far, they created time travel.
The defense? Trash.
The team? Checked out, untalented, and bad.
This isn't a football team; it's a glorified skit. The problem? Nobody's laughing anymore.
Then You Got This Thomas Brown Delusion
And who the fuck started the nonsense about Thomas Brown being the next Mike Tomlin? Stop it. Seriously, cut the shit.
I've got nothing against the guy. Brown might be a decent coach someday, but let's not pretend he's the second coming of Tomlin—not with this roster, not with this leadership, and certainly not in this circus.
The Actress GM Who Promised You "To Take the North"
Ryan Poles. The guy who built this trash roster that's being run like a shit NBA team. The man who swaggered into Chicago like a con artist, convincing everyone he was the next big thing because of his horseshit Kansas City credentials.
Answer me this, HomeBoy:
Where are the "KC-type players" on this roster?
Where is the real talent? The "Absolute Shitkickers" on this team?
Where's the innovation?
Where's the draft magic?
Where are all these fucking connections you supposedly have throughout the league?
I'll tell you where: nowhere. Fucking bullshit.
Poles doesn't know what the fuck he's doing. His track record?
Bad free-agent signings.
Draft misses.
Two goddamn years to cut a punt returner.
And now, he thinks firing Matt Eberlose will buy him time? Newsflash: you can't slap a Band-Aid on a bullet wound, Son! This roster is his creation, on his watch, and it's as broken as his vision.
Remember when he talked about "Taking the North"? Yeah, here's the clip—pour yourself a drink and laugh at how full of shit he was. Enjoy getting canned at the end of the year, Bro.
A Team President Who Should Be Selling Suits or Derivatives
Let's talk about Kevin Warren. Yes, you read that right: a derivatives trader, lobbyist, pimp, turned football executive. This guy isn't here to win games. He's here to sell you a shiny new stadium while ignoring the dumpster fire on and off the field.
Hiring Warren to run this team is like hiring a chef to pilot a plane. Catastrophic failure.
This man prioritizes branding over blocking. And now, he's going to pick the next head coach? Let that sink in. If George McCaskey doesn't step in, he'll set this franchise back another 10 years. Is the man who can't fire a coach properly going to hire the person tasked with fixing this dumpster fire? What “legit coach” would want to come here and work with him? Fuck off.
What Leadership Looks Like (Hint: Not Here)
The 49ers, missing starters and battered to hell, still played with heart and pride. They fought for each other.
The Bears? They have more captains and badges than the Montreal Canadiens have Stanley Cups, but not a shred of leadership.
The McCaskeys? A trust-fund organization treating a football team like a family heirloom yacht, crashing it into a pier every chance they get.
The Real Problem
The McCaskeys don't know how to run a football team. They treat the Bears like a goddamn antique hairpin instead of a business. Decades of mismanagement have turned this once-proud franchise into the NFL's laughingstock.
Here's the Plan, Again
Fixing this mess isn't rocket science:
Sell the fucking team. If you can't handle the heat, get out of the kitchen.
Hire actual football people. Not derivatives traders. Not lobbyists. Not lawyers. Football people.
Get the hell out of the way. Stop meddling. Let the experts do their job.
Anything less is malpractice.
Bill Walsh Nailed It: Football & Leadership, Explained
Here's the full quote from 49ers legend and coach Bill Walsh's The Score Takes Care of Itself:
"Professional football, in my opinion, is the moral equivalent of war. The stress, wear and tear, and assault on a person's spirit and basic self-esteem are incredible. It takes an individual to the outer limits of his capabilities and may provide one of the ultimate studies of people because it is such a cruel, volatile, and emotionally and physically dangerous activity."
"I also believe that NFL football, absent the extreme physical component, is the intellectual equivalent of business as it pertains to the fundamental task of leadership; specifically, organizing and managing a group of individuals to achieve difficult goals in an extremely competitive world."
Coach Walsh saw football as war—a battle of strategy, preparation, and execution. The Bears? They're not even on the battlefield.
This is what happens when a family treats a football team like a family heirloom instead of a business. Decades of mismanagement have turned the Chicago Bears into the NFL's laughingstock.
At least the 49ers have pride. The Bears? We've got derivatives trading pimps, snake-oil salesmen, and four fucking offensive yards at halftime.
George McCaskey, if you're reading this by some miracle, here's the link to Walsh's book. Read it. Follow the instructions to build a winning product on and off the field. And if you still don't know, what the fuck to do?
We're waiting…
