Hey McCaskey, I Asked ChatGPT How to Fix the Bears For You
With five weeks of this abysmal season left and San Francisco barreling toward us like a freight train, let’s take a moment to toast a small victory. Why? Because the Chicago Bears just did something monumental: they fired a head coach who didn’t know what the fuck he was doing. Cheers to that—preferably with multiple beers in hand.
But hey, George McCaskey, here’s a question for you: Are you still clueless about how to build a winning organization? Are you stuck wondering how to drag this franchise out of mediocrity and back to the Super Bowl? No worries, George. Thanks to the magic of AI and ChatGPT, I’ve created a blueprint for you. You’re welcome.
Step 1: Identify the Problem (Spoiler Alert: It’s You)
Let’s start with the basics. I asked ChatGPT: Why are the Chicago Bears in such disarray? The AI didn’t pull any punches. It gave a brutally honest assessment of the mess we’re in. And trust me, any Bears fan would nod along in agreement.
If you want the full breakdown, keep scrolling, if not, it’s all neatly packaged in a PDF [right here].
Why the Chicago Bears Continue to Struggle
by: ChatGPT
Courtesy of OpenAi
The Chicago Bears, one of the founding members of the NFL and the 9th wealthiest franchise, are steeped in rich history and tradition. Despite these advantages, the team has struggled to produce a consistent winning product on the field for over 30 years. This document explores the systemic issues contributing to the team's inability to win another Super Bowl and outlines key areas for improvement.
Leadership Instability and Poor Decision-Making
- Ownership and Front Office Missteps: The McCaskey family, descendants of George Halas, have often been criticized for lacking the football expertise needed for a modern NFL franchise. Their decisions to hire and retain general managers and coaches have frequently backfired.
- GM and Coaching Turnover: The lack of alignment between general managers and head coaches has led to inconsistent team identity and poor long-term planning.
Quarterback Dysfunction
The Bears have consistently struggled to identify and develop a franchise quarterback. Since Jim McMahon, the team's Super Bowl-winning QB in 1985, there has been a revolving door of underperforming players. Missteps like drafting Mitchell Trubisky over Patrick Mahomes highlight the team's poor evaluation process.
Draft and Player Development Failures
- Missed Opportunities: The Bears have repeatedly squandered high draft picks on players who fail to meet expectations.
- Neglect of Offense: While the team has occasionally built strong defenses, there has been a persistent failure to invest in offensive talent, leaving the team one-dimensional.
Inconsistent Team Identity
The Bears' historical identity as the 'Monsters of the Midway' has not translated well to the modern, offense-driven NFL. Their inability to adapt and evolve has left the team struggling to find a competitive edge.
Cultural and Systemic Issues
- Organizational Stubbornness: The franchise's tendency to cling to outdated philosophies prevents meaningful change.
- Failure to Learn from Success: Even after successful seasons, the Bears often fail to address roster weaknesses.
External Competition
The Bears' NFC North rivals, such as the Green Bay Packers, have had stability and success due to Hall of Fame-caliber quarterbacks. The Bears have been left perpetually trying to catch up.
Fan Expectations and Pressure
The passionate Bears fanbase demands a return to the team's former glory. However, this pressure has often led to reactionary decisions, further compounding the team's issues.
Ownership's Inability to Adapt
The McCaskey family's 'caretaker' style of ownership lacks the aggressive, forward-thinking approach needed for success in today's NFL. This mentality trickles down to football operations, stifling innovation and progress.
Conclusion
To break the cycle of mediocrity, the Chicago Bears must address systemic issues within the organization. Investing in smarter leadership, embracing modern football strategies, and building a cohesive long-term vision are crucial steps toward returning this storied franchise to glory. The loyal fanbase deserves nothing less.
Turns out the problem isn’t just Eberflus (though, let’s be honest, he didn’t help). The issue is bigger. It’s systemic. It’s decades of shitty decision-making, half-assed planning, and a stubborn refusal to adapt. ChatGPT laid it all out in plain, sobering detail—a gut punch every Bears fan has felt for years.
Next!
Step 2: The Fix (aka A Plan Even George Can Follow)
Now comes the fun part. I asked ChatGPT to draft a detailed plan to fix the Bears—a blueprint so simple even George McCaskey could follow it. I asked for a bedtime-ready version to make it extra McCaskey-friendly, perfect for sipping on some Cutty Sark.
And here it is: [The Chicago Bears Fix-It Plan Download PDF].
Chicago Bears: A Roadmap to Winning Culture and Super Bowl Success
1. Leadership Overhaul
- Hire an Experienced, Visionary GM: Target candidates with a proven track record of rebuilding franchises (e.g., from the Ravens, 49ers, or Steelers organizations).
- Appoint a Modern, Innovative Head Coach: Look for candidates who have demonstrated success as coordinators or assistants in recent seasons (e.g., from Chiefs or Eagles coaching trees).
- Emphasize Continuity: Commit to a 4-5 year plan with the GM and head coach to avoid frequent turnover.
2. Build a Strong Identity
- Offensive Philosophy: Focus on building a dynamic, balanced offense centered around a strong quarterback and a capable offensive line.
- Defensive Philosophy: Return to the "Monsters of the Midway" identity by drafting aggressive, versatile players who excel in creating turnovers and controlling the line of scrimmage.
3. Drafting and Scouting Strategy
- Prioritize the Trenches: Invest heavily in the offensive and defensive lines in the next 2-3 drafts.
- Focus on Player Traits, Not Just Production: Scout players who excel in adaptability, football IQ, and leadership, even if their college stats are not eye-popping.
- Quarterback Development: Commit fully to Caleb Williams by surrounding him with a strong O-line, reliable receivers, and a top-tier QB coach.
4. Free Agency and Trade Market
- Target Key Free Agents: Bring in established veterans to fill critical gaps, especially on the offensive line, wide receiver corps, and secondary.
- Avoid Overpaying: Focus on value rather than splashy signings; emulate teams like the Patriots and Ravens.
- Trade Assets for Picks: Move aging or redundant players for draft capital to accelerate the rebuild.
5. Culture and Player Development
- Establish a Player-First Culture: Develop a culture where players feel valued, respected, and motivated. Include mentorship programs for rookies.
- State-of-the-Art Facilities: Invest in facilities to ensure players have the best tools for recovery and performance.
- Hire Elite Position Coaches: Position coaches can make or break player development. Focus on hiring the best talent for each role.
6. Fan Engagement and Communication
- Transparency: Hold press conferences to outline the long-term plan, showing fans that leadership understands their frustrations and is committed to change.
- Involve Fans in the Journey: Create opportunities for fans to engage with the team, such as open practices or fan advisory councils.
7. Long-Term Vision
- Set Measurable Goals: Year 1: Build a competitive foundation; Year 2: Contend for playoffs; Year 3: Compete as a top NFC team; Year 4: Super Bowl contention.
- Stick to the Plan: Resist the urge to make short-term decisions that conflict with long-term success.
Key Implementation Steps
1. Immediately hire a reputable GM and head coach.
2. Use the 2025 draft to focus on building the trenches and skill positions.
3. Commit to a balanced offensive scheme tailored to Caleb Williams.
4. Begin culture-building initiatives immediately within the locker room and organization.
5. Address key gaps in free agency while maintaining financial flexibility.
Let me tell you, this thing is pretty damn spot on—well, almost. That part about “Appoint a Modern, Innovative Head Coach: Look for candidates who have demonstrated success as coordinators or assistants in recent seasons (e.g., from Chiefs or Eagles coaching trees)” had me rolling my eyes.
I mean, really? Goodbye, and good riddance to that jerkoff Matt Nagy. Let’s not go down that road again. We’ve already seen how that experiment turned out—and spoiler: it sucked.
(Even my girlfriend—no football expert but recently got promoted to Executive Assistant Editor of this blog—took one look and said, “Hey, this plan actually sounds really good!” (LOL!)
It’s thorough, insightful, and honestly makes more sense than any of the crap that’s come out of Halas Hall over the past decade. It’s practical, forward-thinking, and easy to understand—everything you’d want from a real blueprint to fix this mess.
You know what’s funny? There’s nothing in ChatGPT’s plan about:
Whoring the team out to the city of Chicago for a new stadium.
Drafting a fucking kick returner or punter with a high draft pick!
