I Got Your S.H.I.T.S. Principles, Right Here
Texans 19, Bears 13
Here we go again, B! You saw this coming, didn't you? Remember when Eberlose rolled out that garbage about the "H.I.T.S. Principle"? You know, the one about "Poise, execution, running the offense, having command, presence out there." GTFOWTFS! (Get The Fuck Outta Here With That Fucking Shit!)
Now, two weeks into the season, and surprise, surprise-We're seeing the same damn movie forced to sit through for years. But don't worry, I'm here to digest this disaster for you and break down where the real S.H.I.T.S. Principles are.
Eberlose's Coaching Record: 11-25.
Wins Against Elite Teams: One. That's right, ONE.
NFC North Division Record: 2-10.
This guy was supposed to be a "defensive guru," right? Yet, his defensive rankings, both with the Colts and the Bears, have been pure dogshit since day one. And don't even get me started on the so-called "run" from last year. That streak against mediocre teams? Yeah, it's not exactly a reason to throw a parade.
Let's talk about what went down last night. Where was this alleged attention to detail? Nine penalties. Nine! Atrocious clock management. And those ridiculous challenges-anyone could see they weren't worth a flag. But, of course, we threw them anyway.
And then there's the offensive line. Caleb Williams got absolutely murdered out there. A complete massacre. What were they doing in training camp? Blocking air? Practicing for Hard Knocks? Because there sure wasn't any evidence of competent O-line play last night.
Caleb was running for his life all night, missing throws and interceptions. It gave me flashbacks to the Bitchell days. Fields 2.0, anyone? Or even Bitchell Part III?
And DJ Moore? You saw his face. He was thinking, "You know what, forget the money." "Get me the hell outta here!" The dude signed that contract, and I bet he regrets every penny. This is plain and simple coaching malpractice and will ruin careers. Eberlose in his post-game conference? "We'll get over this in 24 hours." How about you get lost in the next 24 hours?
This team has no offensive identity, no presence, and the defense? It's going to gas out by week four. Eberlose? Clueless. No backbone, no ability to adapt, no clock management. He can't even call out mistakes. What exactly is he doing out there?
Oh, and Poles? Your job isn't safe either, homeboy. This mess is on you, too, at 11-25. Sure, you swindled the Panthers and got some nice picks, but what did you do with them? We're three drafts in, and where's the elite talent? Go ahead, I'll wait. Can't name one, can you?
Ever sit there watching football with your friends, and their team-who's just as bad as ours-drafts studs like Sauce Gardner, Patrick Surtain Jr., or Garrett Wilson, and you're left wondering, "Why don't we have someone like that?" It's because Poles and his staff have whiffed on pick after pick.
How can you have $53 million in cap space and multiple first-round picks and still end up with no offensive line? No center? Our QB is running for his life every week. Look at the best teams in the league: Ravens, 49ers, Chiefs, Eagles, and even the Lions. They built their teams from the inside out-strong offensive and defensive lines. Strong O-lines, solid defensive fronts. Line play! Men moving other men who don't want to be moved right out of a fucking bar! It's not rocket science; it's football. But apparently, this clown has never got the memo.
And instead of doing horseshit interviews in the preseason about "high expectations," how about actually spending some time hiring real scouts and doing some real scouting?
For full disclosure, I never even wanted Caleb. I wanted the Bears to trade down, get some draft capital, grab Jayden Daniels or Michael Penix Jr., and build up the offensive line. Do I know if Daniels or Penix will be the real deal? No, only time will tell. But I do know that this past draft-and last year's draft-was packed full of great offensive linemen, and Poles completely blew it by not drafting any of them!
To be fair, Caleb got drafted, and he deserves a shot. But if you can't protect him, it's a wrap. His career will crash before it even starts. And you probably drafted a great wide receiver in Rome Odunze, but how the hell are we supposed to know when the QB doesn't even have time to throw him the ball?
We're two weeks in, and this team is already on the verge of collapse. They can't run the ball, the QB is under constant pressure, and the defense? It's going to wear out. We're 1-1 right now, but mark my words: we'll be 3-6 by Thanksgiving. The Doomsday Clock for this season is ticking fast.
We're waiting…
