If this actress GM doesn’t know how to build a winning team, then the McCaskeys might as well hire Woody Johnson’s kid. Irrational? Sure. But at least Woody’s kid would have a plan. We’re staring at a roster with no speed, vision, or heart. It’s not a football team; it’s a cruel, never-ending joke.
No Speed. No Identity. No Fucking Clue.
Imagine going to a hardware store, grabbing random crap off the shelves, and expecting to build a Ferrari. Spoiler: it’s not working. Or better yet, picture grocery shopping without a list, tossing random shit into the cart, and getting home to hear, “You didn’t buy anything we actually needed!” That’s the Bears. Year after year.
A Field Goal Down Three Scores? Are You Kidding?
Fumbles, half-hearted “business decision” tackles, and the kind of calls that make you question the sanity of everyone on the sidelines. Seriously, what coach watches their team get obliterated and thinks, “You know what’ll fix this? A field goal.” That’s like trying to douse a forest fire with a squirt gun. How do you dedicate your entire life to coaching in the NFL, only to make decisions that are this stupid? Dreams of greatness don’t just die here—they’re incinerated. Coaching this team isn’t a stepping stone; it’s a career death sentence. Plain and simple.
Ben Johnson? Brian Flores? Mike Vrabel? Anyone? Forget it. No coach with half a brain would sign up for this shit show. They’d rather coach high school football than tie their careers to this crap. If they’re smart, their first question in an interview would be, “When are you selling the team? I’ll sign the day after.”
The McCaskeys
This isn’t just bad football; this is systemic failure. The McCaskeys treat the Bears like a golden goose-cash cow hybrid. Why sell for $8-9 billion and lose half to taxes when you can keep milking the fans dry and let the franchise value climb? They don’t give a shit about you, me, or the city of Chicago. All they care about is the return on their investment.
Here’s the ad they should run in the Chicago Tribune:
To Bears Fans and the City of Chicago,
We own the Chicago Bears; you do not. We’re not selling the team. We don’t care about you or the City of Chicago. We will continue to produce a mediocre product on and off the field to get a solid return on our investment. Go away.
Sincerely, The McCaskey Family
If they ran that ad daily in the Tribune and Sun-Times, I wouldn’t be mad or offended because at least then we’d know who the McCasekys are and where they stand as human beings and as a franchise. But of course, they’d never do that.
Why? Because when shit hits the fan, they hide like cowards. Love him or hate him, when the Cowboys are winning or shitting the bed, Jerry Jones at least has the fucking balls to face the music—good or bad—and even admit when things aren’t up to his standards.
Do the McCaskeys have that? Nope. Are they doing public pressers when the team is sliding down a volcano on fire? Of course not. They're hiding, just like this actress GM, who does nothing but give softball interviews about "culture," "foundation," and "taking the North." Fuck off!
Everyone in the NFL knows Poles sucks and is so full of shit. The fact that the Vikings were almost going to hire him is hilarious! The Wilfs must be thinking, “Thank God we didn’t hire that fucking clown.”
The Ben Johnson Hype Train: Derail It
Now, everyone is jerking off about Ben Johnson as if he’s Sean McVay or John Madden. Why? Because he created a fucking backyard play where Goff fell on his ass and threw a touchdown? Get the fuck outta here with that fucking shit! All due respect to Mr. Johnson—I’m pretty sure he’s well-qualified—but does he really want to ruin his career with this organization of oblivion? Does he really want to ruin his reputation?
And yet, they’ll keep looking. They’ll find some poor sucker desperate enough to think they can turn this shipwreck around. Spoiler alert: they won’t. Because the problem isn’t the head coach, or the GM, or even the players. It’s the people pulling the strings—and they’ve been yanking us around for decades.
Why Can’t We Be Like Green Bay?
You watched the game last night. This team has been running on all cylinders, all year for years. Green Bay has been doing it right for 30 years. Mark Murphy played in the NFL, won, and runs the Packers like a well-oiled machine. Their GM, Brian Gutekunst, drafts players who contribute. Meanwhile, our GM drafts punters and misses on nearly every pick. How is this person still in charge of a head coach search after three years of whiffs?
If the Bears cared, they would hire people who know what the fuck they’re doing. They’d throw everything at people like Dante Scarnecchiaor Jeff Stoutland. Offer them $5 million and a private jet to fix the offensive line. Hell, give them a bonus if the line finishes in the top three. But no—we’re stuck with this clown show, led by people who couldn’t scout talent if their lives depended on it.
Burn It All Down
The only way forward is to start over. “Thanos Snap” this shit.Burn it all down and rebuild from the ground up. Bring in people who know football and understand how to build a winning organization. Hire a president who knows the game, a GM who can scout talent, and a coach who refuses to settle for mediocrity. Is that too much to ask? If the NFL can push out Daniel Snyder, why can’t they step in here? Cut the shit.
Kyle Shanahan’s offenses run like symphonies. Every player knows their role, every piece moves in harmony, and it all builds to a crescendo. Meanwhile, we’re over here with the football equivalent of a kid slamming random piano keys and calling it music. Shanahan turns undrafted nobodies into studs, and we turn first-round picks into memes. How is this even the same league
The Seahawks are going to crush us like a Fabergé egg and the Packers next week. And then what? Another year of wasted drafts, blown free agency signings, and the same tired excuses. This isn’t just bad football—it’s existential-crisis-inducing bad.
