Bro, Pick Up Your Handbag and Leave!
Packers 20, Bears 19
Let me ask you something: How much more evidence do we need before this Trifecta of Shit—the coach, GM, and president—get tossed out on their asses? Or better yet, before the McCaskeys finally sell the team outright? This family and their handpicked clowns have built a legacy of mediocrity. Year after year, it's the same recycled garbage. And now? We're staring down one of the worst Bears regimes in history.
Scouting for What? This fucking team? Scouted and drafted to absolute shit. Caleb Williams played a solid game, kept his composure, and did enough to give us a chance. But when the chips were down, the defense folded like cheap lawn furniture. It's like watching Sandra Bullock helplessly spinning in "Gravity." You just want to scream at the screen, "DO SOMETHING!"
Enter Matt Eberlose, the so-called "defensive guru" who has never delivered a top-5 defense when he was with the Colts. His unit played soft and afraid in crunch time again. Missed tackles and blown assignments—it's a clinic in how not to play defense. Even my girlfriend, whom I shielded from this mess for her sanity, watched the tackling attempts and said, "I could tackle better than these guys." And trust me, she's got a bad back.
Ten weeks in, and it's the same damn story. False starts. Holding penalties. Too many men on the field. Where's the attention to detail? Week after week, this team looks unprepared, undisciplined, and clueless. And you know what that says? It says the coaching is trash. The roster isn't much better. The secondary? Garbage. The offensive line? A turnstile. The defensive line? Might as well be holding hands with the O-line because nobody's getting a push. And what's worse? The same fucking mistakes every week.
Credit Where It's Due. Let's pause to give new Offensive Coordinator Thomas Brown his props. The man was thrown into the fire by an actress GM and a coach who probably has nightmares about the phrase "winning." Despite the mess around him, Brown called a great game. Creative play-calling. Spreading the ball around. Getting everyone involved. Roschon looked like a power back, plowing through defenders and fighting for tough yards. Kmet finally looked like he was being used effectively, which, frankly, felt like seeing a rare bird.
And Caleb? He did his job. No hero ball. Just smart throws, taking what the defense gave him, and keeping the offense moving. Sure, he missed a few open throws, but he drove us down the field at the end and put us in a position to win. And then... fucking Eberlose happened.
Instead of running another play to get a better field position, he stood there, hands in his pockets, letting valuable time tick away. Shit, even Tom Brady, calling the game, was wondering what the hell the Bears were doing. And then—blocked kick. Game over. Packers win. Again.
Oh, and since 1992, the Packers are (fuck, bro) **50-15** against the Bears. Read that again. Let it sink in. It's an embarrassment that should be engraved on a plaque and sent to Halas Hall.
The Real Plan
If the Bears and the McCasekys want to really turn this shitshow around, here's what needs to happen:
1. Hire a REAL Football President
Enough with these finance guys and glorified bean counters. We need someone who knows football—someone who's built winning teams, scouted real talent, and can lead an organization. A Tip of the Spear. No more hiring people because they can ace an interview. We don't care about your fucking workout routine on TV, winning a Super Bowl bullshit, or your whoring out for a new stadium. We care about wins and a winning product on and off the field. Period.
2. Get a REAL General Manager
Not a coffee-fetcher who sat in the same room as Mahomes, Hill, and Kelce think that makes them a genius. We need someone with REAL championship experience and a scouting and player development background. Someone who can fucking actually really evaluate talent. Crazy idea, right? Build a team that can beat the Packers. Study them. Copy their fucking blueprint if you have to. Draft. Develop. Coach. But this current GM? He couldn't evaluate talent back then, and now he runs the whole show and still can't draft for shit.
3. Find a REAL Head Coach
I don’t even know where to start with this one! Enough with these word salad-spewing frauds. We need a leader. Someone who knows situational football can teach and develop players and command respect. A grinder who loves the game and can build a culture of winning.
What we *don't* need is a coach who talks about "looking the men in the eye" and other word-salad bullshit with acronyms while the team collapses week after week. And this fucking guy had hired and fired (but not really because he doesn't run the show) 8 assistant coaches in the last two years?! Bro, you call that fucking stability? It sounds more like you're grasping straws because you don't know what the fuck you're doing!
Eberlose is a head coach in the NFL? Fucking how?
Let's look at the shit numbers as they continue:
Coaching record: 14-30
Wins against elite teams: 1
NFC North record: 2-11
Wins against the Packers: Zero. Shit. Goose egg
This guy is and STILL is statistically the *worst* coach in Bears history. Worse than Trestman. Worse than Fox. And somehow, he keeps finding new ways to lose. This asshole gets irritated when reporters ask tough legitimate questions as if he's the victim. Accountability? None. Competence? Even less.
What's Next? Brian Flores and the Vikings are up next, and you better believe he's licking his chops. He's going to throw the kitchen sink at us, pad his résumé, and make Eberlose look like a shittier coach, which he actually is. And the McCaskeys? They'll sit there, clutching their pearls, talking about "tradition" and "patience" while the team burns to the ground like Rome.
The Bears' fucking ridiculous obsession with never firing a coach midseason is treated like some kind of badge of honor. It's not. It's a fucking joke. It's one more way this team refuses to adapt or demand accountability and keeps the Ponzi scheme chugging along.
Mike Ditka said it best about management: "They throw nickels around like manhole covers." And that's precisely why we keep ending up with this Trifecta of Shit, because with their Mom and Pop mentality and hiring shit staff on the constant cheap. Nothing will change until these losers sell the team or wake up and hire competent people.
So here's the deal: Either fire this Trifecta of Shit or sell the team. Hell, both. This fanbase is done. We're tired of the excuses, the mediocrity, and the losing. The Chicago Bears are an embarrassment to the city of Chicago, fans, and the rest of the NFL. And until this family either sells the team or hires people who can do the job, we're doomed to repeat this same nightmare repeatedly.
That's it. You're either a true fan or a glutton for punishment if you're still here. Either way, I'll be back next week, watching this dumpster fire, so you don't have to. Let's hope for a miracle. But knowing this team? Don't hold your breath.
As of Today, the Chicago Bears are valued at approximately $6.4 billion.
We're waiting…
